you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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