just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he fucked my hip out of place.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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