Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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