I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
