last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
