How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
