I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
