forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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