I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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