Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
