I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
