Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
