so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
