Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
