Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize