Small penises have feelings too.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
