"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
