wrigley field is MILF paradise
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
