My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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