Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
