OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
