my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
