im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
