That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
