wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
