searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
