Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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