4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
