im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
