You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
