Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
