eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The air was thick with penises
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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