I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
