i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
