She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
