At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
