Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
