already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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