maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
