I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
