And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
