i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
