You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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