Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
