Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
