Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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