I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
