even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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