I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
