it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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