btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
