can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
