she was so not down for the gang bang
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
