I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
