Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
