I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
