I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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