There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize