I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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