I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
