oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
