**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
