even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
