Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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