He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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