he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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