I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
