Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
