Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You don't make any sense
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