Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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