The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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