in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize