I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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