yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
