Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
