who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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