At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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