He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
