Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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