Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
